Breathe

Our Friends

Hanging over a chair in my hallway is a very 'happy' quilt, which I received from a friend. This person is not someone I have known since I was young, or even for many years. She is someone who came into my life only a short time ago.

A package arrived. When I pulled the quilt from the box I asked what had I done to deserve this. I wondered why she had thought of me when she saw that pretty covering. Then I realised: she had taken the time to get to know me. How fortunate I am to have this person in my life.

Friends make us feel loved and accepted and they enrich our lives. They are a channel of caring and affection that can make us feel secure and happy. Some people have only few, while others have  a multitude, but all of our friends serve some purpose in our lives. They are the individuals you can call on in good times or bad, or who you can talk to about deep and troubling thoughts you might have.

Sitting under a "Burning Bush" together, picking through a new box of essential oils, and feeling each one to see what resonates within us -- that is something only a friend will do. A true friend is a blessing.

Living in the Now

Many of us go about our daily lives thinking too much, lost in our own heads. If you are caught up in or overwhelmed by the daily grind, perhaps you should consider the same advice I give to those who are closest to me: "just breathe." Many people do not understand how different things would be if they learned to pay more attention to their breathing and let go of what is in their heads. Be present!

Mindfulness is an ancient Buddhist practice of living in the now. To be mindful means to be cognizant of what is going on around us and within us -- not tomorrow, or yesterday, but during each moment. By focusing on our breathing from when we first wake up each morning, we can become more aware, not only of our surroundings, but of what is going on inside of us, our thoughts and feelings. It is about observing, and not getting led astray by the distractions of our minds.

Breathing in, I calm my body.
Breathing out,  I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this is a wonderful moment!
-- Thich Nhat Hanh

Addressing Your Fear

One reason I created this blog was to address a big fear of mine: writing. Writing has made me anxious for as long as I can remember. Even though I was excited about getting things set up, including arranging to get help with my artwork, my mind was a blank when it came to putting thoughts into words. In the end, it took me three months to write my first post.

As a young child, the fear that spread over me if a teacher  asked us to write an essay was crippling. I would go numb, my whole body frozen with fear. Needless to say, English was not a subject I excelled in. I did realise at some point that the subject matter was not for me, and that I had no interest in the books assigned for reading. What I do remember, however, is the day I wrote an essay about the struggle of a long distance runner and his journey in trying to get to the finish line. I received an "A." Why -- what was so different that time? I eventually realised that it was because I could relate to him and understand his emotions.

I always thought of myself as the shy, quiet person in the room who did not have much to offer. I would gladly sit back and listen to what fascinating things were going on in other peoples lives. But as I think about it, I realise that I have spent many years listening to the tales of others without thinking too much about my own story (though I will say that, at times, I have been encouraged to write).

We are all on a journey and no individual path is the same. One thing I've learned is that if we take the time to explore the thoughts of others, we will discover that we all have a story to tell in our own unique way.

Everything Is for a Reason

Toward the end of working with David new people came into my life. It was not suprising that most of their issues had to do with death. I had done my work, and I was attracting individuals who I could share my knowledge with.

During a guided meditation one evening, a spirit came and simply hung around. This was an unusual occurrence, as I am generally not a seeing person -- I tend to feel or sense what is going on -- but this was definitely a happy spirit that wanted to make sure I knew he was there. I went on with my life and didn't think  much more about it. 

I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child but a woman came to see me whose adult son had passed in his sleep just four months before. She had been quite reluctant about meeting with me, but had been persuaded by a friend that I could help her while she was away. This was a very sad lady who would spend most mornings at the cemetery, crying over her son's grave. If she had an appointment to go to she would always take the route that would take her past his gravesite.

We talked for a long time about his spirit and the fact that it had left his body when he passed. It was not at the cemetery. I explained that he was all around her. She knew this -- she told me about the things he had done to remind her of his presence since passing -- but it was so hard for her to let go. The cemetery was where he was.

During our healing session I was surprised when I saw a spirit standing beside her, watching over her heart. He remained for the entire session, a big smile on his face. I realised that this was the spirit that introduced himself to me at the mediation some months before. I didn't know if I would share this with her at that moment. But we kept talking, and then she reluctantly said that she thought he was standing there by her left shoulder. I told her about the spirit with the big smile that I had seen previously, and said that he was most definitely there in the room with us that day.

Her son's spirit always came to the healings and this was such a great comfort to her. Over the weeks and months, she spent a lot less time at the cemetery. She learned to embrace the signs that he was leaving for her that let her know he was always around.

On my last few visits with David this friendly spirit with a big smile came along for the ride. I am sure he was there for David, too, when he finally passed over.

Mirror Images

Do you ever wonder why certain people are in your life, what you have in common with them, what they see in you?

I believe we attract individuals that mirror who we are. Those who are drawn to us, and who we are drawn to, are a reflection of our inner selves. When people make us feel angry or annoyed we may be seeing those aspects of ourselves that we do not like and have chosen not to confront. Likewise, when we see love, beauty or divinity, we are seeing the goodness that resides within us.

Looking at the people who are in our lives tells us a lot about ourselves. It is easy to pick out the bad traits in others but not so easy to recognize that we possess those same traits. That is because those behaviors are often linked to our unconscious self. If we can learn to accept that we are looking at our own reflection, the experience can be eye-opening.

If we love and respect all people we will attract others that will love and respect us in return.

A Battle with Fear

Some years ago I was introduced to a man who was suffering with ALS, or Lou Gehrig's disease. At that time, David was searching for something, or maybe many things, to help him get through this nightmare diagnosis he had been given. When I first met him he was able to walk and drive, and had just started doing restorative yoga with a friend of mine. Within a month of going to the yoga studio David had deteriorated enough to have to be in a wheelchair. From then on all of his new ventures would have to come to him.

It was at this point that he asked if I would come and do some work with him. Nothing could have prepared me for this angry, aggressive person who would yell at his aide if things weren't quite right. The fear he felt is too hard to put into words, but it showed in his eyes and I could feel it in his heart. I explained to him the things we could do together to alleviate some of the anxiety and stress he was feeling. At that point I never mentioned anger, as he clearly was not ready to confront that emotion. I also felt he was a little sceptical of me, so less was better. I talked to him about his energy and how we could release some of his blockages, which would make him feel more relaxed.

Through the years of doing work on myself I found that being able to breathe properly was very important and this would be something I would practise with David on an ongoing basis. Like most people, he did not know that he was not breathing as he should. It was of great help that my friend was coming to the house to do yoga with him so she was able to reinforce this practise.

David's wife was a very sweet lady who was trying so hard to always be there for him, but the stress of this debilitating disease was a lot to bear. She also had two boys of college age who were going through their own issues, along with the fact that their father was dying a slow death right before their eyes. David wrote for a living, so it was very frustrating when his hands could no longer press the keys, and it seemed to take such a long time for voice recognition to be set up on his computer so he could speak the words instead of using the keyboard. It was just about a month before his voice failed and that was the end of that.

I would come to see David every week. We would do some meditation together and talk about his thoughts and how he could try and be more positive. I would place his hands over his heart so that he could feel how closed off he was. He got it, but was too afraid to open up and be at peace with his life as it was. After working on his energy he would sleep very peacefully. That was always a relief for his wife, as sleeping was one of his fears because he was afraid he wouldn't wake up. I know that his wife would often lay with him to give him some comfort.

David loved to be touched, so just giving him a hug and brushing his face  would make his eyes sparkle, much like comforting a young child. I never really knew how much I was doing for him because he was so engulfed with fear, but he always asked me to come back so I knew in one way or another I had made a difference. Each week it was like starting over -- his eyes were full of fear and anger, but by the end of the session he would give me a broad smile, which would make it all worthwhile.

As time went on you could see the toll that all of this was taking on David's wife. She no longer left the house to teach kinder music. One thing that seemed to lift her spirits, though, was when her twin sister would come and stay for a week or two. I could see the connection between them, but I know it was hard for her sister to understand what was going on. She couldn't really be on board because she wasn't going through this nightmare.

Giving David's wife a hug was always very gratifying for me as it seemed the least I could do for her. We would just stand and hold each other and I would rub her back, feeling all the emotion of her heart. She was always so thankful. This is such an easy, loving thing to do, and yet people can't always understand how much a hug can mean.

One day I arrived at the house to find a tree had fallen in the driveway. I became very emotional and felt that this was some sort of sign, but everything else seemed as normal so I didn't think much about it. At this point David could do nothing for himself except move his head -- his throat didn't work and he had a feeding tube in his stomach. David seemed a little more peaceful that day, and when I was working with him, I saw an angel standing by his bed. I had never seen an angel so clearly before -- normally it is just the sense of something being there. I just said, "oh, it's the angel of death," not thinking what that meant. I left David in a very peaceful state. His wife was in the garden talking to the tree people, but she asked me to wait, as she wanted to talk to me. I had no intention of telling her about the angel that I saw with David.  Tears were rolling down her face as she told me that David had refused to have a breathing tube inserted. He'd made his own decision to pass in a dignified manner. That is the one thing with this disease: the brain stays intact, entombed in a non-functioning, lifeless shell. The fallen tree, the angel -- now it all made sense to me.

I cried all the way home. I had grown to love David as I tried to figure out who this man was before illness, anger and fear had set in. I had been in this man's life for nearly eighteen months and I had known about him for a few months before that. I felt the love he had for his wife and his sons, but I also saw the toll that this love had placed on all of them.

David passed three weeks later but I only saw him once more. I knew some time before that I wouldn't be there at the end. This was part of his journey, not mine. I had arranged a trip some months before and David passed when I was on my way back home.

My friend and I went to David's memorial service, which was held very fittingly in his own backyard. It was a lovely, warm, funny ceremony because this is the man that he was. It would have been nice to have known David under different circumstances, but I am glad that I had this opportunity to be of help. He will always be a part of me.